Friday, September 5, 2014

Fortune 500 Companies Shed 1 Million Jobs, Wall Street Soars

NEW YORK — (TYDN) The world's top companies shed as many as 1 million U.S. jobs Friday in a bid to purge their ledgers of employment expenses, TheYellowDailyNews has learned.

Wall Street cheered the workforce's move to eliminate the worker. Shares soared in virtually every sector except companies focusing on automobiles, housing and foodstuffs.

Analysts said stocks surged after the Fortune 500's drive to eliminate employees signaled that the world's leading corporations are beginning to acknowledge that the worker only saddles profits.

Stock traders exalted as the number of fans inside Yankee Stadium, times 10, were laid off Friday. Photo: Greg/TYDN
"There's no end to how far the market will now rally," Wells Fargo market analyst Frieda Fromingtein told TheYellowDailyNews in an exclusive interview. "I urge a buy across a broad swath of the market, but to avoid grocery, auto and construction interests."

The Fortune 500 job cuts came as workers were beginning to make outrageous demands from their employers, sources told TheYellowDailyNews on condition of anonymity because of the sensitivity of the topic.

Industry insiders, speaking to TheYellowDailyNews in exclusive interviews, said the move to terminate 1 million jobs was a response to employees asking for livable wages and, in extreme cases, workers begging for shoddy health insurance plans, insiders said.

Sheila Smith, an office clerk at a Silicon Valley tech firm, said she may lose her house and have to declare bankruptcy.

"I got to work Friday, after 20 years, they said they didn't need me anymore," Smith said in an exclusive interview with TheYellowDailyNews. "I felt a little better that at least I'm not the only one who is going to lose their house and spiral into bankruptcy."

Shares of stocks of publicly traded law firms specializing in bankruptcy jumped on the news.

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